.
(My) Dear(est) Miss Destiny Hope (sounds like a Hong Kong striper…)
.
(My) Dear(est) Miss Destiny Hope (sounds like a Hong Kong striper…)
.
Yesterday we finally broke our (losing) streak against the “wenches of ill-repute” and sneaky “magenta bastardesses” (led by the terrifying… “BIG-hoofed Filipa“). It was one of those classic “the result was better than the performance” kind of deals, as we sorrowfully had far less ball possession, corners and shots on goal, and yet, managed to come out victorious. An unexpected but very welcome result to be sure.
.
The previous day had been a “queer” one, first, we had “Joana-MATE” giving us the game’s preview,. And then, some silly (and supercilious) commercial regarding a new bus, where the “Great Communicatress” (but floppy maned) “Miss Manhas” took the trouble to brag endlessly about the quality of the latrine adjacent the stairway. Possibly, in a thinly veiled allusion to the abhorrent feculation of a season we’ve been having under Miss Mariana Raquel‘s stewardship.
.
Thank you, “Miss Manhas“, now please, get some turbocharging life blown into that barnet of yours. Because, if the hair upstairs looks like that, I dread to consider the “bad bush” downstairs in the “intra-thigh mezzanine” (or any sort of closed awnings or… Varandas).
.
I heard that the derby attracted nigh 28.000 fans to the “pigpen“, but I very much suspect, that they were mostly there to catch a gander at Mónica Susana‘s newfangled “hooker boots“. Certainly a sight better than those hard-favoured brown suede loafers that her “femme de main” (oh, I’m going to be so blocked on Instagram for this one…) has been sporting/footing.
.
What a fetish-inducing, saucy little maven “Mona” has turned into in her middle age seasons. In all fairness, I do believe the proper technical/pathological term in the field of Sexual Psychopathy is actually… “Erotic lactation“. I kid you not! Thank goodness I’ve already had my breakfast…
.
On the previous night, I did ask the ever so stern “Agent Teles” to go to Seixal and put the Ankle-Cuffs on “Chica Francisca“. And she must have done so, because “Chica” yesterday had about as much technical ability as Thomas Gravesen after a pub crawling week-long drinking binge. And Patão semed about as tactically competent as Wanderley Luxemburgo, but with a far inferior wardrobe…
.
The “uppity” “Alícia-MATE” and the (reasonaly) competent (and cool) “Joana-MATE” played, as did “Bruna Hemingway” (who is a good player, and with appreciable potential) but that did not deter our chances.
.
It reminded me of when Boloni finished 27 points behind league leaders and yet, with 5 games left to be played, went to the “garbage dump” and beat the brakes off the “orcs” (sorry, “Johnny Ronnie“) in front of tens of thousands of “low-cunning brutes“, who then proceed to turn it “three sheets to the wind” and went home to “tell” (what a dexterous euphemism…) their wives all about it. Yes, they “told them”, good and proper!
The previous day had been a “queer” one, first, we had “Joana-MATE” giving us the game’s preview,. And then, some silly (and supercilious) commercial regarding a new bus, where the “Great Communicatress” (but floppy maned) “Miss Manhas” took the trouble to brag endlessly about the quality of the latrine adjacent the stairway. Possibly, in a thinly veiled allusion to the abhorrent feculation of a season we’ve been having under Miss Mariana Raquel‘s stewardship.
.
Thank you, “Miss Manhas“, now please, get some turbocharging life blown into that barnet of yours. Because, if the hair upstairs looks like that, I dread to consider the “bad bush” downstairs in the “intra-thigh mezzanine” (or any sort of closed awnings or… Varandas).
.
I heard that the derby attracted nigh 28.000 fans to the “pigpen“, but I very much suspect, that they were mostly there to catch a gander at Mónica Susana‘s newfangled “hooker boots“. Certainly a sight better than those hard-favoured brown suede loafers that her “femme de main” (oh, I’m going to be so blocked on Instagram for this one…) has been sporting/footing.
.
What a fetish-inducing, saucy little maven “Mona” has turned into in her middle age seasons. In all fairness, I do believe the proper technical/pathological term in the field of Sexual Psychopathy is actually… “Erotic lactation“. I kid you not! Thank goodness I’ve already had my breakfast…
.
On the previous night, I did ask the ever so stern “Agent Teles” to go to Seixal and put the Ankle-Cuffs on “Chica Francisca“. And she must have done so, because “Chica” yesterday had about as much technical ability as Thomas Gravesen after a pub crawling week-long drinking binge. And Patão semed about as tactically competent as Wanderley Luxemburgo, but with a far inferior wardrobe…
.
The “uppity” “Alícia-MATE” and the (reasonaly) competent (and cool) “Joana-MATE” played, as did “Bruna Hemingway” (who is a good player, and with appreciable potential) but that did not deter our chances.
.
It reminded me of when Boloni finished 27 points behind league leaders and yet, with 5 games left to be played, went to the “garbage dump” and beat the brakes off the “orcs” (sorry, “Johnny Ronnie“) in front of tens of thousands of “low-cunning brutes“, who then proceed to turn it “three sheets to the wind” and went home to “tell” (what a dexterous euphemism…) their wives all about it. Yes, they “told them”, good and proper!
.
I found it most interesting the pairing of the ox-shouldered Maiara with the lardy Bravo, as I felt it provided “Joana-MATE” (and the midfield) enough balance. For once, “Pineapple-headed” Norton and studly Ana Vitória were at a loss for words (and passing options). And even “Fast Lucy” turned into… “Downcast Lucy“. How refreshingly amusing it is, to finally be able to turn my “epigrammatic gaze” onto another team…
.
Oh yes, for once (in nearly 18 months) Captainess Ana Catarina proved to be the most virile and red-blooded of’em all out there on the pitch, as no amount of Sildenafil or Tadalafil could(in theory) power “the Brazilian Ana” into her usual domination of the midfield. It just goes to show you, that Pauleta‘s contributions on the field of play are worth at least 10 boxes of Viagra. It’s no wonder the “Española” decided to major in Chemistry.
.
This team of ours has such a shoddy defense, that it clearly needs to play with two defensive “midfielderesses” (much like Boloni‘s title winning effort did in 2001/02, with the “shielding” pair of the “Two Bentos” behind the likes of Barbosa (once he had better hair than “Manhas“, once…), Viana, Quaresma, JVP and Jardel).
.
“Miss” Beatriz Teixeira (there’s something about the “Béas” in female Football…) is kind of cute (well, with this simpler hairstyle – and lesser manicure – she is. Stay off the hair buns et “les barretes“, if you please). She sort of looks like Fátima Pinto after a month-long high-carb diet (“carbo-loading” as Christina Aguillera‘s publicist likes to refer to such gluttonous practices). I wish they’d let her in front of the cameras every so often… to utter a few “sweet nothings”.
.
Speaking of carbohydrates, does Chandra weigh the same as she did last season? I doubt it! She does not look it, especially from the back(side). She has to stop having lunch with Bravo (that girl loves her buns – metaphorically and literally – especially with marmelade), bad influence. It’s a shame, with her athleticism, the “Blonde Bombress” has the most potential of anybody on the squad.
.
I can only imagine what a (more)competent coach wouldn’t do with a pairing the likes of Capeta and Chandra. Sporting’s attacking options in the final third are more than fine, just underdeveloped and under potentiated. The team needs a pair of flankers (the Uber-Girlish Béa “Half-metre” would be nice…) and some quality defenders, and a no-nonsense nutritionist for “tubby” Bravo.
.
Speaking of potbellied, did anybody notice the lineswoman? If Alex Ferguson had been there on the touchline, he’d have asked her to retire on the spot, just like he did 15 years ago when he said Alan Wiley was too out of shape to officiate Premier League games, and Mr Wiley was nowhere near as rotund as that lineswoman.
.
I miss the days when Lesbians fashioned themselves over James Dean, Marlon Brando and Elvis Presley before they went out (on the “prowl”) to the gay biker bars. These days, their ideas of “faux-masculinité” seem to be Zezé Camarinha, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and Ron Jeremy. Sad… but true! Thank heavens for “Femmes” (in the LGBT sense of it) like “Manhas” (AKA “Ritinha das Latrinas“) and “Beatrix Isabelle”
.
Switching (sort of) subjects, it’s quaint how many “she-homos” are coming out(but not from the closet…) of the sub-region of Cascais. How bourgeois and debauched those chic “Aunties” have become. I hope they hold the next “Avante” soirées over there. Who can forget the… “there are no faggot comrades!!!” in 2015?
.
As Pedro Man(uel)Torres would(potentially) eloquently phrase it “let the faggots – and «Faggettes» – play football!!!” Absolutely, especially, if they are charming, polite, comical and don’t have haircuts like a Polish Cured Meat Chopper, or worse yet, a “bouffant” like Abby Wambach‘s.
.
Kudos to the anemic (“ghostly” may well indeed be a more apt description) faced (but now well-coiffed) “Mariana-Raquel” for finally grasping how to properly harmonize her midfield. That’ll teach’em “vermelion vermin” to fear Borges‘ mighty and unyielding moustache. Hopefully, our group will not extract too much false courage (and all that it entails) from this luckiest (but fairly well-deserved) of surmountations, or fancy themselves as some kind of… “appetite fruit“.
.
If one were to ask “Mrs Dolores“, she’d tells us that that ginormous lump in her son’s throat was the result of “Eve” (I’ve seen the movie with Bette Davis…) convincing (women and their wily ways…) “Adam” (Adão Silva???) to gather a taste of the… “appetite fruit” while frolicking “undiapered” in the Garden of Eden (I believe James Dean lives just West of it…). Deary me, what “ill-bred imbeciles” they put on national TV these days. Such a sad state of affairs.
.
The (very) annoying Rapinoe (a paronym lexeme? If there is such a thing…) likes to make seemingly heterophobic comments regarding the likelihood of winning without homophiles on deck/pitch.
.
But on this occasion I saw the girlish and “buttoned-down” Hannah Seabert (very well-proportioned toes, well-turned ankles and well-heeled… heels. Hence and therefore – now there’s a pleonasm for you, “Mr Cavaco” – I suspect she’s toured the “sausage factory” on more than a singular and… hard-mannered occasion) as our best player, which says a lot about how lucky (and competent) and under pressure (steady on, Mr Mercury!) we were.
.
Truly reminiscent of those sweltering post meridians when “Le Boss” looked back on l’Alpe d’Huez and saw Jan Ullrich closing on. And no, “MARXão“, “Post Meridian” is not the name of some illiterate hip-hop artist from New York…
.
It should be noted, that Miss Mariana (ranked as “First MATE” aboard the “HMS/USS Alcochete“) was looking good yesterday, spectacular hair (learn, Fontemanha, learn!), and a very smug masseter-flexing smile that made her look as a pussy(cat) who’d just swallowed Patão‘s (hairy)”cherry”. A fruitarian… no doubt she must be! Good on her, as clearly… Bananas and cherries played a major key in this one, unquestionably more than on Rita Pereira‘s liver-busting fruit-flavored “detoxes”.
.
Hardships were to be expected, in a team that all year has been far better (and more suited) going forward then backwards. The red-dispositioned “clam-smacking” “beaver-eaters” clearly missed Pauleta‘s contributions, as without her on the pitch, Bravo became thrice the usual player. As the great Plutarch (no, “MARXão“, he was indeed not of one Pluto‘s mongrelish companions…) would put it… “Pauleta!!! Stay not too long in the infirmary…!“
I found it most interesting the pairing of the ox-shouldered Maiara with the lardy Bravo, as I felt it provided “Joana-MATE” (and the midfield) enough balance. For once, “Pineapple-headed” Norton and studly Ana Vitória were at a loss for words (and passing options). And even “Fast Lucy” turned into… “Downcast Lucy“. How refreshingly amusing it is, to finally be able to turn my “epigrammatic gaze” onto another team…
.
Oh yes, for once (in nearly 18 months) Captainess Ana Catarina proved to be the most virile and red-blooded of’em all out there on the pitch, as no amount of Sildenafil or Tadalafil could(in theory) power “the Brazilian Ana” into her usual domination of the midfield. It just goes to show you, that Pauleta‘s contributions on the field of play are worth at least 10 boxes of Viagra. It’s no wonder the “Española” decided to major in Chemistry.
.
This team of ours has such a shoddy defense, that it clearly needs to play with two defensive “midfielderesses” (much like Boloni‘s title winning effort did in 2001/02, with the “shielding” pair of the “Two Bentos” behind the likes of Barbosa (once he had better hair than “Manhas“, once…), Viana, Quaresma, JVP and Jardel).
.
“Miss” Beatriz Teixeira (there’s something about the “Béas” in female Football…) is kind of cute (well, with this simpler hairstyle – and lesser manicure – she is. Stay off the hair buns et “les barretes“, if you please). She sort of looks like Fátima Pinto after a month-long high-carb diet (“carbo-loading” as Christina Aguillera‘s publicist likes to refer to such gluttonous practices). I wish they’d let her in front of the cameras every so often… to utter a few “sweet nothings”.
.
Speaking of carbohydrates, does Chandra weigh the same as she did last season? I doubt it! She does not look it, especially from the back(side). She has to stop having lunch with Bravo (that girl loves her buns – metaphorically and literally – especially with marmelade), bad influence. It’s a shame, with her athleticism, the “Blonde Bombress” has the most potential of anybody on the squad.
.
I can only imagine what a (more)competent coach wouldn’t do with a pairing the likes of Capeta and Chandra. Sporting’s attacking options in the final third are more than fine, just underdeveloped and under potentiated. The team needs a pair of flankers (the Uber-Girlish Béa “Half-metre” would be nice…) and some quality defenders, and a no-nonsense nutritionist for “tubby” Bravo.
.
Speaking of potbellied, did anybody notice the lineswoman? If Alex Ferguson had been there on the touchline, he’d have asked her to retire on the spot, just like he did 15 years ago when he said Alan Wiley was too out of shape to officiate Premier League games, and Mr Wiley was nowhere near as rotund as that lineswoman.
.
I miss the days when Lesbians fashioned themselves over James Dean, Marlon Brando and Elvis Presley before they went out (on the “prowl”) to the gay biker bars. These days, their ideas of “faux-masculinité” seem to be Zezé Camarinha, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and Ron Jeremy. Sad… but true! Thank heavens for “Femmes” (in the LGBT sense of it) like “Manhas” (AKA “Ritinha das Latrinas“) and “Beatrix Isabelle”
.
Switching (sort of) subjects, it’s quaint how many “she-homos” are coming out(but not from the closet…) of the sub-region of Cascais. How bourgeois and debauched those chic “Aunties” have become. I hope they hold the next “Avante” soirées over there. Who can forget the… “there are no faggot comrades!!!” in 2015?
.
As Pedro Man(uel)Torres would(potentially) eloquently phrase it “let the faggots – and «Faggettes» – play football!!!” Absolutely, especially, if they are charming, polite, comical and don’t have haircuts like a Polish Cured Meat Chopper, or worse yet, a “bouffant” like Abby Wambach‘s.
.
Kudos to the anemic (“ghostly” may well indeed be a more apt description) faced (but now well-coiffed) “Mariana-Raquel” for finally grasping how to properly harmonize her midfield. That’ll teach’em “vermelion vermin” to fear Borges‘ mighty and unyielding moustache. Hopefully, our group will not extract too much false courage (and all that it entails) from this luckiest (but fairly well-deserved) of surmountations, or fancy themselves as some kind of… “appetite fruit“.
.
If one were to ask “Mrs Dolores“, she’d tells us that that ginormous lump in her son’s throat was the result of “Eve” (I’ve seen the movie with Bette Davis…) convincing (women and their wily ways…) “Adam” (Adão Silva???) to gather a taste of the… “appetite fruit” while frolicking “undiapered” in the Garden of Eden (I believe James Dean lives just West of it…). Deary me, what “ill-bred imbeciles” they put on national TV these days. Such a sad state of affairs.
.
The (very) annoying Rapinoe (a paronym lexeme? If there is such a thing…) likes to make seemingly heterophobic comments regarding the likelihood of winning without homophiles on deck/pitch.
.
But on this occasion I saw the girlish and “buttoned-down” Hannah Seabert (very well-proportioned toes, well-turned ankles and well-heeled… heels. Hence and therefore – now there’s a pleonasm for you, “Mr Cavaco” – I suspect she’s toured the “sausage factory” on more than a singular and… hard-mannered occasion) as our best player, which says a lot about how lucky (and competent) and under pressure (steady on, Mr Mercury!) we were.
.
Truly reminiscent of those sweltering post meridians when “Le Boss” looked back on l’Alpe d’Huez and saw Jan Ullrich closing on. And no, “MARXão“, “Post Meridian” is not the name of some illiterate hip-hop artist from New York…
.
It should be noted, that Miss Mariana (ranked as “First MATE” aboard the “HMS/USS Alcochete“) was looking good yesterday, spectacular hair (learn, Fontemanha, learn!), and a very smug masseter-flexing smile that made her look as a pussy(cat) who’d just swallowed Patão‘s (hairy)”cherry”. A fruitarian… no doubt she must be! Good on her, as clearly… Bananas and cherries played a major key in this one, unquestionably more than on Rita Pereira‘s liver-busting fruit-flavored “detoxes”.
.
Hardships were to be expected, in a team that all year has been far better (and more suited) going forward then backwards. The red-dispositioned “clam-smacking” “beaver-eaters” clearly missed Pauleta‘s contributions, as without her on the pitch, Bravo became thrice the usual player. As the great Plutarch (no, “MARXão“, he was indeed not of one Pluto‘s mongrelish companions…) would put it… “Pauleta!!! Stay not too long in the infirmary…!“
.
But, as Gertrude Stein would put it, “a win, is a win, is a win“, especially at the house of the “great unwashed” and home to a varied range of “riffraff“, “low-ilked rabble“, and the majority of them involved no doubt in some sort of “bottommost-level skullduggery“.
.
And a welcomed triumph one at that. Congrats to all the girls: pallids, moustacheless, lesbians, mates, burgeoning (great) communicatresses, pharmacists, thin-skinned uppity-MATES, and all other of GOD’s creatures, for there are no atheists in these motes we’ve excavated ourselves into in search of sporting elations and other ephemeral laurels.
But, as Gertrude Stein would put it, “a win, is a win, is a win“, especially at the house of the “great unwashed” and home to a varied range of “riffraff“, “low-ilked rabble“, and the majority of them involved no doubt in some sort of “bottommost-level skullduggery“.
.
And a welcomed triumph one at that. Congrats to all the girls: pallids, moustacheless, lesbians, mates, burgeoning (great) communicatresses, pharmacists, thin-skinned uppity-MATES, and all other of GOD’s creatures, for there are no atheists in these motes we’ve excavated ourselves into in search of sporting elations and other ephemeral laurels.
.
Thank you, Captainess Borges, thank you, “Joana-MATE“, thank you, Maiara, “thank you”, Pauleta. And thank you (so very much)… “HANNAH BANANA“!
Thank you, Captainess Borges, thank you, “Joana-MATE“, thank you, Maiara, “thank you”, Pauleta. And thank you (so very much)… “HANNAH BANANA“!
.
Parque das Nações,
Monday, March 27h, 2023
.
Text: Ronald William Miller.
Image: All rights reserved.
.
Parque das Nações,
Monday, March 27h, 2023
.
Text: Ronald William Miller.
Image: All rights reserved.
.
Facebook Comments
